THEY TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE THE MAN I AM
AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS
Believing that we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps is indeed self-empowering. But a careful examination most often reveals that there were other people who were crucial to our fate and destiny. They often appeared as relatives, or as intervening teachers, preaches and advisers, ordinary human encounters, all with magical sway. And by fully acknowledging their powerful influence in our lives, we make ourselves whole.
Any way you look at it, people in my life mattered hugely! Ordinary relationships that were loving, compassionate and nurturing that assured my survival while growing up Black in Jim Crow Deep South, guiding me through difficult coming of age experiences, and prepared me for a future I could not imagine as University President and America’s first Black professional tuba player. This is a book of related short stories, each featuring a mentor, that portrays entangled inter-generational and interracial relationships, shaped profoundly by the historical times and vibrant places we lived. The stories encompass biography, autobiography (memoir), history, race, education, music, sociology, spirituality and relationships. They express the breath of the human experience.
INTRODUCTION
This book is a hybrid. What I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it couldn’t fit neatly into a single traditional publishing category. It encompasses biography (memoir), autobiography, history, race, education, music, sociology, spiritual, relationships, inspiration, and of course, mentoring. It’s also a metaphor of my own personal traits which reflect multiple dimensions including African and Jewish ancestry, and introvert and private, but extrovert and gregarious as the situation dictates. Further, this is not an instructional manual on mentorship, or a narrative about the singular influence of a high profile person. They Taught Me How To Be The Man I Am is a collection of independent but related stories about common ordinary relationships that nurtured and significantly influenced my life, each revealing close bonding between an individual and me. Musical references serve as an interweaving bridge for the different short stories.
The powerful natural relationships shaped me and dramatically swayed my life’s successful journey. And although not a memoir exclusively, my identity, along with my mentors, is revealed through our intermingled lives that occur within interesting and informative contexts. My mentors came into my life by fate, and happen to be all men except for my mother whose powerful presence deserves separate exploration. However, instances of her nurturing role are often referenced, particularly in the book’s early chapters. This book began with a simple list of names compiled while reflecting on my life during the early days of retirement, attempting to answer the nagging question: How did I become who I am and manage to accomplish the things that I did? It unexpectedly evolved from there, much like my life.
The names were of people critical to my legacy, each having a dedicated chapter. Developing the narrative led to further researching their identities and lives, and exploring the transformative relationships we shared. This, unavoidably, meant confronting and writing about my own evolving-self. Our entangled lives portray my mentor’s intense interest in me, and their compassion and encouragement shaped by the historical times and places in which we lived; stories that deserve to be shared for the joy and benefit of others. It is also my way of honoring and expressing my gratitude for the individuals who shared so much of themselves with me. I’m truly pieces of all of them. They mattered greatly.
MENTORS MATTER
EPILOGUE
Are we missing the opportunity to influence another person simply because of the common every day relationship? Or, are we actually mentoring without knowing it.
Mentoring is the noble giving of one’s self to another for their personal enhancement and enrichment, it doesn’t matter the relationship. Sometimes all we need to do is understand our role in a relationship as potentially beneficial to the other person and take it seriously.
Nothing is more satisfying than recognizing the positive influence made on another life, weather minor or major. And often it’s hard to tell. But more important, you know when you’ve made the effort and that makes it worthwhile.
Unknowingly, the nurturing experiences I encountered encouraged my own instinct for mentoring and providing an ideal role model for others. And I hope, if nothing else, this book inspires others to honor everyday common relationships as opportunities for influencing another life. Just take the relationship seriously. I did.
A LETTER FROM A MENTEE
Mr. Smith,
This letter’s intent may never be fulfilled for it is one of gratitude and appreciation; and with words I couldn’t commend you adequately for your service to me in obtaining my B.A. degree in music.
You, in many instances, bent over backwards to insure me proper finance and academic support. In addition to that, your words of encouragement served as a source of inspiration to me in times of hardships and depression. Without prognosticating my own future, you’ve again offered aid. On many and various occasions you ignited initiatives within me by providing a prime example of what the Black man’s role is.
I will not hesitate nor procrastinate when saying you have contributed more than my own family toward my college education and I admire and appreciate every single thing you’ve done. I only wish that I could in some way repay you. I’m gratefully indebted to you. “Thanks man.”
Musically yours
Dennis Grant, Langston University ‘72
(Former student and mentee)